I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afr... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note"

"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."

"Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder."

"Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."