I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afr... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder."

"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."