I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afr... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."