More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."
"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"When anybody asks me what time it is, I always say, “Yesterday, plus 24 hours."
"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."