More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I gave her a hundred dollar bill. She said, “Thanks, how can I repay you?” I replied, “Two fifties would be good, but three fifties would be better."
"As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves."
"I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree branch in the middle of winter. I also make love with as much speed and rotation."
"I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight."
"You don’t need to have a fight before great sex. I can keep my cool and still bring the heat every time."