"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."
"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."
"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."
"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"Drink my Distraction Juice (not from concentrate). It tastes like love, only not so focused on just one ingredient."