"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."
"Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere."
"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."