"What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser."
"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement."
"I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?"
"Are you happy here with me? Because if not, we can scoot over a few feet."
"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."
"One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule for a later date."