When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and... - Mark Twain

"What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing."

"Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."