"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."
"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."
"I’ve got a way with love. Away with love."
"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."
"The race is long, and I am sprinting. If I ever see her again, I’ll probably be too out of breath to tell her I love her."
"It doesn’t take a hurricane to blow out a birthday candle. Let this be a lesson in love—and cake etiquette."