"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."
"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"
"Life, it’s made up of two things—time and love. A watch tells one, but what tells the other? We tell each other."
"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."
"My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time."
"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."