#positive-motivation

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"How Hard? [10w] Fuck’em hard enough to make their breasts move like Jell-O."

"Maine State Motto Dirigo. [10]You won't find no niggers here, eh."

"Whose Asphalt Is It? [10w] The road to mediocrity is paved with asphalt and tarmac."

"Advice for Women at Starbucks If a vanilla latte and banana nut muffin doesn't solve the problem,perhaps you're going at it wrong."

"Vapers I bought a vape pen from a vaporium.The vapologist advised meto get the model with the refillable vape tank.When the fuck did smoking become so vapid?"

"The Stink of Hate {Couplet} When haters write they raise a stink;must be the venom coursing through their ink."

"Overheard at Ashtanga Yoga Class *"I don't know my he left me. I even had a rabbit's food hanging from my dreamcatcher.""Maybe you should've used a little more suction and a few less amulets."

"Ringtones Haiku 'Oy! Dai, da-ye-nu,Dai, da-ye-nu, Dai, da-ye-nu...'"Answer your fucking phone!"

"No-brainers [10w] No-brainers are challenging enough for people with no fucking brains."

"The Flood that Did Not Subside [10w] What would today's world be,If Noah's dove flew into obscurity?"

"Every Small Child is a Miracle [10w] The God of small children is the one true God."

"Illinois State Motto State sovereignty, national union.Life begins and ends with corruption."

"Do Me No Favors Haiku 'Do me no favors ~I can take care of myself.So, pay the check and drive me home."

"Sunshine On My Shoulders When you're home's always filled with sunshine,you're either blessed or it's time to fix the roof."

"Coins [10w] Statesmen whose faces are on coins are amenable to change."

"What is the Meaning of Life? [10w] {3} To create its meaning every day we live and love."

"David Dukes How come everytime I put on the T.V.to watch some Dick Wolf crime show,all the judges are blackand all the criminals are white!I just sayin there must be some kindaJew conspiracy at work here!"

"Diet and Exorcise [10w] The most effective diet is hanging around with fat people."

"Argument [10w] Argue for the sake of resolutionnot for arguments sake.."