#positive-thoughts

"Moment of Truth 'Moment of truth' is derived fromthe Spanish momento de la verdad, that Hemingway epiphanous moment when the matador is about to kill the bull. Now it means the moment you realize you won't make it back to the parking meter before it expires ~sometimes expressed as, Motherfucker!"

"Wrong Number [10w] There is no such thing as dialing a wrong number."

"Carlsberg: Probably the best lager in the world... ...just like IKEA is the best furniture on earth."

"Death Ride Denied At the stables of your agonyDeath brought his morbid mareTo whisk you from your woeful wantsAnd coax you from your cares.A ride you did deny this princeAnd bid him soft farewell,Hoping the morrow must be brighter sinceYour yesterdays were hell."

"The 2-Step Self-Discovery Program The first step in self-discovery is not giving a shit what anybody else thinks.The second step is knowing you're a self-centered asshole."

"The Dangers of Second Hand Smoke "Second hand smoke can be harmful becauseif you don't put out that fucking cigaretteI'm smashing your head open with this baseball bat."

"Leaping lemmings! Leaping lemmings!I so adore ya'Can't get enoughJust want more’o'ya'!When I've had my fill'o'ya',I long for anotherRefill'o'ya.So, let's cut my spiel And here's the deal:I'm just gonna' haveta' cloneya'!So, when we're doneJust having fun --I'm just gonna' haveta' boneya'Again."

"Children and Food [10w] Once children order like grown-upsfood's lost its sweet innocence."

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"Unwitting Measure [10w] + {Couplet} "You I love and treasurein an equal, unwitting measure."

"Self-Contempt [10w] Self-contempt is calling yourself collect and refusing to accept the charges."

"Keep Austin Weird Haiku Neck dragon tattoo, piercings, purple haired kindergarten teacher.Keep Austin weird."

"It’s a red sky every night with Cosmic Ordering."

"Amputees Smart phones and the internet are the prosthetics our century cannot live without.Until we can put them down to take a quiet walk in the woods,we are all amputees."

"Genocide [10w] Genocide is the runaway bride once death becomes the bridegroom."

"Forget hard work, use Cosmic Ordering."

"Fodder for Poets [10w] Childhood memories are the most seminal sustenance for creating poetry."

"Las Vegas Magic! I was the greatest magician in the world.Things were going great. My agent booked me to play the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas for $100,000 per performance!When I got onstage everything suddenly disappeared.I'm not sure if it was allan illusion or a delusion,but I cashed the check anyway just to be safe."

"No That's Bad Aim Shoot!That ass clown couldn't hit the broad side of a barnwith the smart photon torpedohe lifted from Area 51."

"Creation "I shake my fist and there's bang.Stars sift like sand through my fingers;each swirl of my wrist a galaxy,every kiss imbued with a bit of me."