#positive-thoughts

"When in Doubt [10w] If your relationship becomes stagnant,set fire to her dress."

"Free Will [20w] A bunch of amino acids bumping up together is not the scientific explanation of free will, it's grilling a hamburger."

"Oppressor vs. Oppressed [10w] Love somtimes disintegrates into becoming the oppressor or the oppressed."

"How to Get Girls into Bed When I take a new girl out on a dateI tell them I slipped poison into their wineand the antidote is on my penis."

"Let's get physical, physical [10w] All physical contact is meaningful,even if meaningful means sleazy."

"Fat Bungee Jumpers When I watch a fat woman bungee jumpI swear I can feel the earth leaving its orbit."

"Unruffled [10w] Nothing’s calmer than an unruffled duck eating a cool cucumber."

"Ageing [10w] There's no such thing as age -- only degrees of opacity."

"There's More Than Two Choices [10w] Don't take the road less traveled;blaze your own path."

"Oy Vey Haiku (g)Nat's sphincter clenched.The skinhead asked, 'You a Jew?Minyan's one man short."

"Kaddish Kaddish for Mrs. Ginsbergis not Kaddish,For your mom raised a Buddhistand mine raised a Jew.You'll zazen for your loss,I'll daven for mine.I do not belittle your loss,your grief is no less than mine.But by abandoning your tribe, אלון,Who now will say Kaddish for you?"

"Brownie Mix [10w] + {Couplet} Betwixt hell and the River Styx,I'll be shitting bricks."

"Ode to a Wastepaper Basket I love the way you sit in the corner,gracious like a lover,catching my every crumpled vanity."

"Note to Self: Patent #10w Diving Mask for fish filled with water when oceans disappear."

"The fastest way to double your money is to use Cosmic Ordering."

"Royal Pricks [10w] Woe unto the king of his bubble who's a prick."

"It sometimes takes a state of solitude to bring to mind the real power of companionship."

"Mind Maneuvers When we hear something unflattering,our mind doesn't fully process it.When we hear a compliment,the mind goes into overdriveand tend to read too much into it."

"Food If food comes with a labelthat's warning enough you shouldn't eat it."

"When we lose our spiritual child then that is when we have grown old."