#quote

"Money [10w] The root of all evil has a well earned reputation."

"Credo of a Substitute Teacher I'm a 'sugar free' substitute teacher.I speak frankly and never gave any of my studentsa single word of encouragement.Why should I? Even after 10 years the school hasn't given me a pension, health insurance or paid sick leave.So fuck 'em.Fuck 'em all."

"Earth Smile The lip of the mountain smiles ochrewhen the drumming raindrops take root.Pigments from yellow to deep orange to brown,form crowns of light, mirrors reflecting fire ~the ire in the earth, the smirk of the dirt."

"Memory Timeline of Divorce Divorce +1 year: "Just because we don't talk, it doesn't mean I can't stop thinking about you."Divorce +10 years: "The one good thing that came out of our marriage was our wonderful children."Divorce +20 year: "Who? Doesn't ring a bell."

"Dating Asian Her Kung Fu style was not too bad,but at doggie style she had me had."

"Cleverness vs. Crime [10w] Being caught's the only difference between cleverness and crime."

"Winning vs. Losing [10w] Too often the cost of winning is losing your soul."

"Relatively Speaking [10w] The irony about 'relativism theories' is that they're relative too."

"Bagels and Lox Life's an everything bagel;love is a schmear of scallion cream cheese;and lox, no matter how you cut it,is resistant to dumbass metaphors."

"Natural Born Killers [10w] After their first,every soldier becomes a natural born killer."

"Fame [10w] Fame has a funny way of rewriting your entire past."

"Second Opinions My doctor told me I have pancreatic cancer and have 2 months to live.I asked him about getting a second opinion.The Doc said, 'No problem.'He thought for a second and said,'I think the Boston Red Sox are going to win the series again this year."

"Knocked-Up Kinda' Loven Marry, me, marry me, marry me,You better say, 'affirmative',Cuz you stuck a bun in my ovenand you haven't an alternative."

"Carrots and Creativity [10w] Put a carrot in front of you for optimal creativity."

"Virtual Reality [10w] The only thing better than reality is perfected virtual reality."

"On your quest to spirituality it is often required to suspend your rationality; but true spirituality asks that you enhance your rationality."

"Whisper into My Good Ear [10w] "Pour your fears, fantasies, desires into my ear of corn."

"Who is Fortunate? [10w] Who is fortunate?He who measures his fortune in friends."

"Rotaryrotatory In a universe composed wholly of revolving doors we'll have no need for gatekeepers or tipping doormen at Christmas."

"Original Thoughts [10w] Original thoughts are not diminished by days, distance or disregard."