"Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something."
JA
Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
27 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
"I once asked an old Japanese man why Japan decided to team up with Germany during WWII, and do you know what he told me? Well, you would if you speak Japanese, which I don’t."
"I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive."
"I love apricots. They’re so fuzzy they’re furry. They’re like little pets you can eat legally."
"Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something."
"You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. I guess when I say people, I mean everyone but my Grandfather. He hated anything that was so monotonous as repetition. That’s why he loathed walking so much. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, and on and on."
"If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."
"I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow."
"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"
"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"
"As I was driving down Beach Blvd., I saw a building that said, "Self Storage,"and I thought, "I wonder if my ego could possibly fit in just one unit."
"The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good."
"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"
"I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers."
"It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician."
"I may be alive now, but in a series of moments I won’t be. And let it be said about me: He didn’t waste his time talking to conch shells, but he did listen to what they had to say about the ocean."
"I always felt that Jim Morrison was a terrible name for the front man of The Doors. No, for a band called The Doors, a name like Rusty Hinge would have been more appropriate."
"I may be alive now, but in a series of moments I won’t be. And let it be said about me: He didn’t waste his time talking to conch shells, but he did listen to what they had to say about the ocean."
"The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good."
"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"