"Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something."
JA
Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
27 quotes
Quotes by Jarod Kintz, This is the story my great-grandfather told my father, who then told my grandfather, who then told me about how The Mythical Mr. Boo, Charles Manseur Fizzlebush Grissham III, better known as Mr. Fizzlebush, and Orafoura are all in fact me...
"Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1."
"The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good."
"I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins."
"I once asked an old Japanese man why Japan decided to team up with Germany during WWII, and do you know what he told me? Well, you would if you speak Japanese, which I don’t."
"I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow."
"I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers."
"I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive."
"When I hear Jazz, my first instinct is to lean over to the guy next to me and whisper, "Fourth floor, please."
"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"
"Grandmother hates it when I do the "turkey dance."Basically, I lather my naked body in gravy and then spaz out on the kitchen floor. She just doesn't understand modern dance."
"I love apricots. They’re so fuzzy they’re furry. They’re like little pets you can eat legally."
"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"
"Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?"
"The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good."
"I always felt that Jim Morrison was a terrible name for the front man of The Doors. No, for a band called The Doors, a name like Rusty Hinge would have been more appropriate."
"It’s scary to be a woman on a blind date. For all she knows the man she is meeting up with could be a rapist, a murderer, or, God forbid, a politician."
"Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something."
"Tomorrow I was supposed to have a meeting with a salesperson, who happened to be Orafoura. But something came up, so I called him and said, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I have to cancel tomorrow.” To which he replied, “Cancel tomorrow! Who do you think you are, God?"
"If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."