"Bachelorhood: all the fun of married life and more prosperity, leaving lots of descendants to boast of their father’s memory to their fellow inmates."
"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."
"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."
"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."
"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."
"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."