Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating.... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"Bachelorhood: all the fun of married life and more prosperity, leaving lots of descendants to boast of their father’s memory to their fellow inmates."

"When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion."