Between Portland and Seattle is a mint factory, and they mad... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."

"A stick won’t stick to a wall, so why is it called a stick? Likewise, why aren’t love and ghost the same word? Both are dead and invisible."

"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."

"My love has a flow like a flower, so it’s best if you water it with the fragrance of romance, which has the aroma of loyalty."

"She said she'd love me forever. That was two days ago, so I should probably ask her again if she still feels the same way."