More quotes by Steven Wright

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."