More quotes by Steven Wright

"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."