More quotes by Steven Wright

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"