More quotes by Steven Wright

"Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film."
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
"I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying."
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."