Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to rememb... - George Carlin

"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."

"The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity."

"Electricity is really just organized lightning"

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"