Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to rememb... - George Carlin

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

"Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain."

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

"I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate."