More quotes by George Carlin

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I"in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I"in independence, individuality and integrity."
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"