I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so... - Steven Wright

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."