"I curse in cursive. It's hard to read and harder take. But if you take it black, like coffee, then at least it may wake you up to the realities of life."
"An empty ketchup bottle full of romantic quotes is just what I need to turn my cheeseburger into the perfect lover. Now you can get more romantic for an upcharge of just 69 cents."
"Logos on designer clothes don't make me feel like I've got a strong personal brand. No clothes make the man. Even wearing no clothes I'm still me."
"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"When I go off the grid, my main source of light will be fireflies. Oh, and the glow that will come from the epic love poem I am writing for you."
"I love deeply. I love long. I love wide and high. That's right, my love is interdimensional, and my vortex will heal your body and soul."