More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"They say you fear what you don't understand. Maybe that's why every time I'm in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants."