More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it off a cliff."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."