More quotes by Steven Wright

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."
"When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing."