"I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them."
"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."
"I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much."
"Sometimes I wish Jim Morrison were still alive, because I'd love to see a concert in which "The Doors"opened up for "The Cars."
"I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry."
"I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating."