I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
"I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once? A politician only has one mouth, yet doublespeaks all the time."
More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE
"I think I’m mouth blind and that’s why all food tastes bland. The only things that have any flavor are the words I love you."
"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."
"If I found 20 dollars on the ground, I’d be willing to bet I’d find someone in desperate need of money that I could give it to. And I’d bet 20 dollars, so even after finding and giving away 20 dollars, I’d have made 20 dollars."
"I just invented a hug machine. It’s solar powered so you can use it when you feel depressed, like on a cloudy day. Shit."
"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."