"I like knocking on strangers’ doors, and when they answer and say hello, I respond, “I have returned, as prophesied.” Then I just stand there staring at them."
"Trees shaped like deer should not be ridden like benches if they get stuck up in other trees. No hunting farming allowed. Fishing only."
"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."
"When she tried to seduce me, I got suspicious, thinking she was just after my massive fortune. Then I relaxed, when I remembered I'm poor."
"Networking is drinking the nectar of interconnectedness. And I’ve been drinking since noon, so I may need @ryanlilly to drive me home."
"I fall in love with you four times a year: winter, spring, summer, and fall. The leaves may change, but how I feel about you does not."