More quotes by Steven Wright

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time"so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."