"I want the gift of a guitar—no strings attached. I want your love to also have no strings attached—and be just as musical."
"I know a thing or two about love. Well, maybe just a thing. A big, blurry thing, like Bigfoot."
"I have never seduced a fish taco for selfish reasons. I am an altruistic lover."
"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."
"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."
"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."