"I want the gift of a guitar—no strings attached. I want your love to also have no strings attached—and be just as musical."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"
"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"
"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."