I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s e... - Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

"Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you."

"I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, “Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth."

"When I’m in a relationship, I love like a burrito. And if you’re a taco, don’t talk to me. At our core we may seem similar, but trust me, we are two different items on the menu."

"I am the Love Ventriloquist. And if you say I’m not, I’ll say it so it sounds like you said I am."

"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"