I want to learn the language of the sun, and burn Agatha’s e... - Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

"I left my phone number on a napkin, along with trace amounts of spaghetti sauce and garlic bread grease, hoping she’d call me. And when she didn’t, I panicked and filed a missing person’s report with the police."

"I am the Love Ventriloquist. And if you say I’m not, I’ll say it so it sounds like you said I am."

"I found your love like I found religion: in an aluminum trashcan in the middle of the Utah desert."

"I can’t define what love is. That’s like eating a pancake with a waffle instead of a fork. But you know it when you feel it, like petting a cat wearing a synthetic fur coat."

"I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love."