"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."
"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."
"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."
"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"