"I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting."
"I am the three minutes of 180 seconds, and I don’t do refills. I’m a lover, not a farmer."
"Love is the best gift because it’s free to give and priceless to receive."
"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."