"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"
"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."
"I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love."