"The waves were choppy, like Chuck Norris' karate hands. The ocean would have been still, if I weren't making love in it."
"Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that."
"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."
"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."
"As much as I want to make love to you, I’d rather make love to your clone."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."