I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."