I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."