I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."