"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"
"Last time I arm-wrestled, I broke my leg. Boy, what I wouldn’t do for love."
"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"I’d rather have 100% of 5 than 50% of 10—especially with love."
"You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price."
"When we make love, I orgasm much sooner than her. That’s because I know a shortcut on my bicycle."