"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"
"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."
"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."
"Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes."