"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love."
"I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight."
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."
"I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller."
"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."