More quotes by Steven Wright

"You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time."
"It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."