If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn'... - Steven Wright

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."