If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn'... - Steven Wright

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."

"What's another word for thesaurus?"

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."