More quotes by Steven Wright

"What's another word for thesaurus?"
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"