More quotes by Steven Wright

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"
"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."