More quotes by Steven Wright

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."