"If I saw a hitchhiker wearing a tie-dyed shirt, I’d assume he’s been waiting for a ride since the 1960s. I think that kind of patience is groovy."
"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."
"I sped-read through a book that probably weighed a pound, though I only gleaned about nine ounces of information. That's because it was a book on love that I read while making love. I multitask like I pay by the hour."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."
"I want to be the founder of a #startup app called Quid Pro Squid. No idea what it will do, but if I can get enough users, VC money will flow."
"A fridge will keep your steaks fresh, but keeping a live cow in grandmother’s room will keep the meat fresher. Let this be a lesson in love."