"In the present case it is a little inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible to any public office of trust or profit in the Republic. But I do not repine, for I am a subject of it only by force of arms."
"A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it."
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not."
"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom."
"Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull."
"If we assume that man actually does resemble God, then we are forced into the impossible theory that God is a coward, an idiot and a bounder."