"Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power."
"The goodbad news is she only stole half. The badgood news is she stole half. And when it’s love that’s been stolen, a hole the size of half your heart feels like the whole thing has been taken."
"I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant."
"In the long run, even a marathon looks like a sprint. This is how I can love with such Roger Bannisteresque intensity."
"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."
"I asked for info, and he offered it for a price. Now I’m selling him my security services, and if he doesn’t pay me, I’m going to give him a karate lesson—for free."