"Is it easier to get you to do what I want with a fist to your face, or a gentle pat on the back and a handshake? Let this be a lesson in power."
"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."
"When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future."
"It’s been said that men think only about sex and food. And some men, like my uncle Lester, think about sex with food. Needless to say the church has ordered him to cease bringing his own food to the potlucks."
"Only a fool would say they’re not a fool. Well, I am not a fool, which is why I say I am a fool."
"I’m hard to love, but I love hard, like my heart is the sun yearning to tan your naked body. I promise I won’t burn you."