It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya. - George Carlin

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"

"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."