It's never just a game when you're winning. - George Carlin

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya."

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

"Electricity is really just organized lightning"

"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."