"Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too."
"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."
"We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."
"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."