"Moral codes are like the ocean. Some people live by them, while others, such as myself, would rather live by a lake."
"Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden."
"There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t"
"My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents."
"The other day I went to the Huddle House. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to call some plays."
"My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person."