"Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become invisible. I network like the ghost of a chameleon."
"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"75% of my life is spent wasting time. The other 25% isn’t nearly as productive."
"I've often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it's the one right after the next to the last one."
"I just bought a new dishwasher. Some guy was selling two of them in a barn, and it was either that or get a horse, but horses leave spots on silverware."
"I mined my clone’s thoughts. I hope he doesn’t mind."