"My kitchen sink has no truck attached. My love needs a waterproof suitcase in these Days of Desert and Dessert. Who are you going to come running to when the Ice Cream Man melts?"
"I morphed from a fly to a flower to a butterfly, which is like a combination flower and fly. I thought I was in love, but I was merely asleep."
"I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill."
"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"
"If I were hairy, would you vacuum my chest before we made love? I’d probably have enough chip crumbs in it to feed the homeless, because I’m a charitable kind of guy."
"When people say they don’t understand my generation, I like to point out that it’s not “my” generation. I’m only co-owner with a 50% stake."