Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flun... - Erma Bombeck

"When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?"it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."

"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

"When humor goes, there goes civilization."